post pomp, post circumstance

It happened. Graduation happened and I can hardly believe it! I have about 2 weeks until I start my new job and it seems like life is just moving so fast! Part of that is scary is but so exciting at the same time. I've heard it said that even though it seems like this is a new "era" of our lives, when I look back these years will more so blend in with those I spent in college. That's a bit depressing to hear just because this seems like a whole new part of my life. And it is but maybe not as much as I think it is. Regardless, I'm pretty excited to see where I end up next. Between now and starting work (and hopefully beyond that) I plan on doing a lot of reading... for fun! Oh how I have missed novels! I even went to the library today and picked out a couple...which was not easy! I wanted to take them all home to read! I thought about starting from the A's and just going through all of them; however, I figured that would take forever and I should just decide to pick out ones I know I'd like and go from there. I love to read and have really missed getting lost in the stories for the past 4 years (so I have read some on breaks, etc..but who am I kidding? I was in college, my textbooks were my novels, sometimes not even then).

Also, I am very excited to be getting involved in my home church more. I absolutely love the family I have there and deisre to serve them better. I went to my first "official" life group with Bita and Rusty last night. I have gone to a lot of their life group activities but last night was the first time I was there on a regular night, participating in the discussion of Sunday's service. It was great! It was so awesome having that fellowship with other young people and to reflect on the Word. I can't wait for more times like this and only hope that those who were not there last night will welcome me just as much.

I have a lot more on my mind I could write but it would not make sense nor be very organized. So we'll stop there for today.

pomp and circumstance

Pomp and Circumstance has been around since 1901. That's a long time for a graduation-exit piece of music although I'm sure it was not used as such for its tenure. Regardless of any of that, my life will soon be graced by pomp and circumstance (or a hymn perhaps?). Graduation is in 3 days and I can hardly believe it! I had my last final at 8:00 this morning and left an hour later with a huge smile on my face. I'm done. I am finally done with college! It's sort of unbelievable. I mean, it went incredibly fast but at the same time I have lived within the walls of this campus for 4 years and that is a pretty big deal. I don't know what to expect at 12:00 Saturday, officially an IWU alumni. That fear-filled lack of expectation is the same filling that sends electricity through me at the same time. I am excited beyond words. I cannot wait to discover what more is out there and where God will be taking me next. I have absolutely no idea what is happening after Saturday but I am happy nonetheless. I don't even have a job lined up, not because of a lack of searching by any means; I just suppose it is not God's timing yet. There are so many things that lay ahead...

Past graduates (oxymoron?) have said the biggest struggle and change to deal with post-graduation is loneliness. That surprised me in a way but it makes sense. However, I wonder how that will be different for me. I can recall several times when I was truly lonely while at IWU. So many times when companionship was far away and all I could do was be quietly with the Lord (okay, sometimes not quietly..sometimes loud sobs!). Maybe its naive of me to think I won't be lonely but I am just really looking forward to change. I love the people here and will miss my friends dearly but I can't wait to learn new stories and meet new faces.

There's a pretty big world out there.

Just another quick post...

I've always loved and appreciated art. Love it. If there was one thing I could be good/better at it would be art in all it's forms (painting, drawing, graphic design, sculpting, photography, etc.). Well, I've been playing around with photography a lot over the years and was really excited when I got a new camera for Christmas. It has more options for shutter speed and the like so I was anxious to use it. I've used it a lot since and produced some pictures I'm proud of. Now, I know the picture you see here may not be award-winning but I am proud of it! I took it Tuesday I believe. I was sitting on the couch under the window in my room. The picture is of some flowers I have laying on my window-sill and next to it is a small glass of water, the bubbles visible.

America for Granted

Chapel convicted me on Wednesday. A girl spoke, a senior as well, who has only been in America for three years. She grew up in Nigeria and became a Christian at a young age, literally hiding it under a blanket from her Hindu family. As she grew more in her faith with help of the principal of her Christian school, Leena's desire to go to America grew stronger. At only 7 or 8 years old she knew she wanted to go to the U.S. As she got older and started thinking about college, she knew she wanted to move to Ameria but her parents refused it. "You can move anywhere else; you can go to Australia or England but not America." Leena continued to pray, knowing God was calling her to the States. Then a miracle happened. One monring, her dad woke her up and said he would let her go to college in America and would go with her to get her settled. Amazing! A heart of stone began to turn. Leena found about about Indiana Wesleyan (where I attend) through her principal who had a son attending there. She had heard about it previously from someone on a bus in London! Of all places to hear of small IWU!

Anyways, Leena was accepted to IWU and came in the fall of 2005. God has really worked in her life since then and in her family's life. There were two parts of her story that really moved me however. She has been faithfully praying for her family's salvation for 9 years and has just recently begun seeing God answering those prayers with her father and sister. Do I have that kind of committment? I haven't prayed that long for one person, or persons... ever and I feel so ashamed of that. I have people I want to pray for, for that long but I don't. And there is no good reason. No, no reason. Secondly, Leena commented on one of the first things she recognized when coming to America, Indiana nonetheless, in the friendly Midwest. She was excited to be here and be able to go to church for the first time, read her Bible openly, etc--all things we take for granted, among other things. Now, having been here only 3 years she is starting to notice how she takes these things for granted as well. My thought: look what we have done to her!! Hearing her talk, the Lord radiates from her and you can see His love through her, but being in America has tainted her, weakened appreciation and fervor. What is it about our culture and society that has this effect? Why are we do quick to ignore what some fight so hard to keep?

These are all things I've heard before and have been grateful for but rarely taken deep to heart. something about Leena's story though moved me in a different way. I felt with her and nearly cried in happiness for her. Lord, I do not want to become calloused. I do not want to forget what I'm so thankful to have. I do take for granted the comforts you have provided for me. Forgive me Lord...it is not what I want to do.

Everlasting

I've been realizing lately how easy it is for Satan to attack me. When you are not building up defenses it is pretty easy to break down the borders. With the chaos of my life swirling around me, I have settled for mediocrity in my faith. I'm ashamed even as I write this because it is not the desire of my heart. I desire so much more. I know I am made for more. Sometimes it's as if I am just waiting for my life to start, which will be as soon as I walk across that stage in three weeks. What a lie. That's probably one of the biggest lies we can be fed. God has plans for me right now, in this environment and I'm blind to them.

As I sit here now, I'm listening to worship music and craving the Lord so much! I was talking to a friend today and she was saying how much the Lord is working in her life right now. She has seen how He has been pursuing her and growing her in her faith. Amazing! I praise God for that but am also a bit jealous. Jealous because I'm not doing all I can to run hard after the One who I call my God. Life has gotten in the way. Homework and the play have taken precidence. And even friends. These are all good things but not what I should be placing absolute and ultimate priority on. My life wedge is growing dull. Coming in as a freshman, we were taught about our life wedge and challenged to think what was at that tip? What is driving us breaking into all other surfaces of our life? As students we joke about the life wedge and thus World Changers also (you just have to be at my university for that to make sense, I am NOT knocking people who are world changers).

I look forward to every day after today where I can start over and live with a faith that is on fire and passionate. One where I am striving to put the Lord before all else--tasks, activities and people. I'll mess up from time to time but vow to get back up again. "Your will above all else, my purpose remains. The art of losing myself in bringing you praise. Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades. Neverending, Your glory goes beyond all fame. My heart and my soul, I give you control...consume me from the inside out, Lord. Let justice and praise become my embrace to love you from the inside out!!"